Feb. 27, 2007

When Presbyterian College trustee Paula Harper Bethea kicked off the college's celebration of Women's History Month with a speech on the evolving leadership styles, she evoked a number of role models – past and present and from homerooms to boardrooms.

But much of the advice she ever heard about achieving success, she said, was spoken right in her own living room.

Harper Bethea, the vice chair of PC's board of trustees and the director of external relations at the McNair Law Firm on Hilton Head Island, said from the beginning that she was blessed and "happy to be a girl."

Harper Bethea said she has been surrounded all her life both by strong female role models and supportive men.

"The 'glass ceiling,' for me, has never really been there," she said. "Maybe because I never allowed it to be there. Maybe because I set high expectations of myself. But I never expected anything to come to me."

Like the storied Velveteen Rabbit, though, Harper Bethea said she has tried hard to be real – "to be comfortable in my own skin." True to that maxim, she said her early life experiences taught her to be true to herself and her upbringing – and she learned much from those around her.

When she was five years old, she said, her grandmother was diagnosed with stomach cancer and came to live with her family.

"She was a strict disciplinarian," Harper Bethea said, "and so, for the two years she live with us before she died, I spent an awful lot of quality time sitting in the chair in the corner because I talked too much. … But when I was sitting in the chair in the corner looking at the wall, she taught me great life lessons."

Those lessons, she said, included the power of the "little black dress" and the true value of being a good friend in order to win good friends.

As the youngest of three children, Harper Bethea said she also learned quickly what it was like to be around adults – and, more importantly, what it was like to be loved and cherished.

"From the moment I entered the world, I was my daddy's baby," she said. "To this day, I am not one bit ashamed of that. He was the strongest, most gentle person I have ever known."

Every day, Harper Bethea said, her father would tell her three things – "I love you, I'm proud of you and I'm glad that you're mine."

"It centered me and made me very sure of the person that I was at the time – and certainly sure of the person that I wanted to be," she said. "He also told me something else. He told me to always use my femininity as an asset but never to use it as my crutch or my excuse – which further underpinned my happiness in being a girl."

Harper Bethea's mother – who returned to school and earned her master's degree – became an assistant principal and also was a powerful role model, she said. Her mother, the first female deacon, elder, and clerk of the session at their church in Estill, gave her a copy of the Presbyterian Church (USA) Book of Order on her 18th birthday.

"Let me tell you, that is not exactly what you want to get on your 18th birthday," she said. "But it's inscribed from my momma and, today, is one of my treasures."

Fifteen years ago, Harper Bethea lost her sister to cancer – an event that also served as a powerful lesson, she said.

"She taught me so much in the 35 years that I had her in my life," she said. "She taught me everything I need to know about living and everything I need to know about dying. She did everything in her life with courage and grace and dignity and humor – and that is so important. … She taught me something very important in another arena and that is that joy is a choice and not a feeling and that pain is inevitable but misery is optional."

Harper Bethea encouraged women – and men – to be themselves as the embrace their goals and work to achieve success in life.  While authors such as Laurel Thatcher Ulrich state that "well behaved women seldom make history," said Harper Bethea, it is also true, she noted, "that every single thing your mother told you was true."

Women don't have to be meek or unheard, she said, but they also can benefit from a mother's encouragement to "smile more, pay attention, cooperate, be a good listener, play well with others, share credit."

"In short," she said. "Play nice."

As women are playing increasingly important roles in business, education, and government, there is no reason, said Harper Bethea, that they can't do so wearing a dress – and being fully feminine.

"I truly believe that human kindness and human inspiration – along with courage, judgment, integrity, and dedication – can take the world to a better place," she said. "We are moving back to our center and we are setting examples for all to follow. So, yes, Ms. Nice Girl is back – and she is successful."

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