I Solemnly Swear That I’m Up To No Good…

written by Murray Corbett

September 18, 2012 was a stormy, grey morning, much resembling the gloomy but traditional weather in London. Little did PC know, the dark morning was simply foreshadowing one of the strangest days the school has seen. All over campus there was an eerie feeling spreading throughout the students as they were overheard bustling about the latest campus fad: Potter is back!

“We are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry following graduation from Presbyterian College,” read the ambiguous letters that have caused such a stir.

 

The culprit of these mysterious letters has not yet been identified, and no one truly knows why he or she did (or did not) receive one, but many students shared their reactions upon receiving Albus Dumbledore’s invitation to continue their studies or share their professional teaching expertise.

 

“I am scared to talk about it, because I don’t want it to be taken away.” –Liz Smith

 

“I was horribly shocked, yet wonderfully enthralled at the prospect of continuing my liberal arts education at such an esteemed university as the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. I am currently in the process of determining which one of its many wonderful programs best fits my future.”-Wilson Kennedy

 

“I was super, super happy because I always wanted one when I turned eleven years old and was so disappointed as a kid. And I’m pretty excited because I am pretty sure it will be my only grad school acceptance letter. I have heard rumors of faculty involvement but I am pretty sure it is the school that started this because of the huge variety of seniors who have one,” responded Martin Pruitt.

 

Rebecca Fudger admitted, “I was afraid to talk about it at first, because I didn’t want to break the statute of secrecy. I thought maybe I am a real wizard!”

 

“I am convinced it is real and I am already shopping for owls on eBay. I feel like this is a fulfillment of a childhood dream for me; I always knew I had it in me! In order to prepare myself, I also have a forehead zit that I am cultivating into a lightning strike.”-Patrick Kennedy

 

“I have already accepted the offer and am going!” said Dr. Wiecki, who will be teaching Defense Against the Dark Arts

 

Lauren Cates said with enthusiasm, “I have applied ten different times and this is the first time I have been accepted. I am so excited to go! Dental school was my backup plan…Here I come, Hogwarts!”

 

“I have always been on team Edward, so I don’t care about this Harry Potter business. I am moving to Forks, Washington instead,” said a student who wished to keep his name anonymous.

 

“That was my safety school and now I am just waiting for the good offers,” joked

Anna Marie Smith who was confused by the prank and why she received one.

 

As the Potter letters have caused quite a stir around campus, the students share their accusations of who they think started it and what it really means; some students and faculty shared their feelings after realizing that the owls did not deliver a letter to every mailbox.

 

Dr. Kiley, a French Professor, has questioned where his letter is and revealed that he would love to teach at Hogwarts. The only professors to receive the letters were those in the History Department, thus adding to the speculation of either a history professor or a history major’s involvement.

 

When asked how he feels about not getting a letter, Alex Rumer responded adamantly, “They can go to Hell. I have been to Wizard World twice. I couldn’t even finish the book, I had to graduate with Harry Potter; people know that about me. I had a Harry Potter birthday party before my Freshman year. This is PC’s biggest Potter fan, right here. And you know what else? My mom’s name is Rowina, as in Ravenclaw…Think about it!”

 

“Um, I’m really upset. I’m mad. I am a die hard Potter fan and I know everything there is to know about Harry Potter and I’m really mad that I am not a part of this,” said Haley Blackstock.

 

Dr. Hobbie did not allow being left off the Hogwarts mailing list get him down as he said, “I never wanted to go to Harvard, or Princeton, or Yale, OR Hogwarts!”

 

A Disgrunted Muggle, Erm, I mean student, Will Gribble said, “I am not happy. It is discriminating. It hurts my feelings.”

 

The investigation of where these letters are coming from is an ongoing process… stay tuned to the Blue Stocking!

 

Mischief Managed