PC was recently visited by one of the most highly reputable health and water inspectors in the Southeast, Dr. John Zoidberg. He spent his time on campus inspecting various dorms and educational buildings, as well as inspecting the water contamination of the fountain and the pond behind Spradley Hall.
Dr. Zoidberg noted that there were very few levels of toxic elements found on campus, except in Georgia Hall. His report lists that he found “high levels of toxicity throughout hallways and stairwells, with the highest levels being found in the elevator”. The other half of his report discovered that the so-called Goose Pond is one of the cleanest bodies of water in the state. My recommendation to any gentlemen who complain about the state of their living quarters is to pack up their things and move on out with the waterfowl.
Disclaimer: The views expressed in this article are meant in jest and should not be taken seriously. All quotes should be assumed falsified and should not be held agains the alleged speaker. This article is part of the BlueStocking’s April Fools Holiday prank and does not necessarily reflect the direct views of Presbyterian College or of the BlueStocking Newspaper. Thanks for caring enough to read the disclaimer. Merry belated April Fools to you, kind sir!