“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times …” Oh wait, wrong novel! But it’s still appropriate …
With another year drawing to an untimely close, the atmosphere about campus should be one of wistful joy with students dreaming of the warm weather and soothing summer relaxation soon to come. Yet PC has assumed a rather dreadful air as underclassmen batten down the hatches in preparation for the impending Hunger — I mean Housing — Games.
I’d like to be able to report that each student has the same chances of falling victim to the unfortunate wrath of PC’s housing system, but through literal hard work and long hours, students are able to rise through the ranks and move one step closer to claiming victory over their peers.
This year, in lieu of the boring and traditional system of tiers and organized lines consuming second floor Springs, the Office of Residence Life has chosen to partake in an ever more enjoyable production and let students fight to the “eternal rest” for the most coveted of rooms about campus. This “Battle Royale” will serve to establish the order in which students are allowed to choose the resting place that will single-handedly define the next year of their lives.
This brawl will serve to bring more equality to the process as students will be able to claim their rightful places on campus based purely on brute strength and sheer luck rather than something silly like potential aptitude or academic ingenuity. Jerry Butler says it best with his ostensibly original idea that “only the strong survive”.
Disclaimer: The views expressed in this article are meant in jest and should not be taken seriously. All quotes should be assumed falsified and should not be held agains the alleged speaker. This article is part of the BlueStocking’s April Fools Holiday prank and does not necessarily reflect the direct views of Presbyterian College or of the BlueStocking Newspaper. Thanks for caring enough to read the disclaimer. Merry belated April Fools to you, kind sir!