As the Snowpocalypse of 2014 makes its way out the door, watch out for the bleary-eyed zombies rising from their dorm rooms for the first time in days. These poor people have fallen ill to the terrible disease of Cabin Fever. Southerners are particularly susceptible to this disease. Their warm blooded natures, thin cotton clothes, and year-round short wearing habits leave them vulnerable and easy victims. So, when the snow and ice came rolling in the only defense these poor short-wearing people could do was huddle indoors.
How can you spot the signs of Cabin Fever?
Every box of ramen that’s been hidden under your bed since August has been eaten. Every episode of every good show on Netflix has been binge watched. Even homework has been begrudgingly finished. That’s when your leg starts to shake. You stare longingly out of the window thinking of summer heat waves. You even think that it might be worth venturing outside just for a taste of Waffle House hash browns.
How do you treat Cabin Fever?
There are no known medications in this world that can treat snow related Cabin Fever. However, there is hope! Through the generations certain holistic remedies have been discovered to help ease the discomforts of the disease. The first take a shower and brush your teeth! I know it’s snowing but you still start to smell bad after a couple of days. Go for a walk! Yes, it’s cold and wet, but a nature walk cures a great many ills. Throw a snowball! Nothing remedies snow depression like hitting your roommate in the side of the head with a perfectly shaped snowball. Eat some fresh vegetables! My friends this food in GDH is actually supposed to be green, so add some color to your diet. Lastly, sleep and sleep a lot! I haven’t slept this much since the Snowpocalypse of 2011 and it feels so good!
Does Cabin Fever ever leave?
Here is the good news! Cabin Fever is not forever! As we watch the snow fall from tree branches and the statues once again are recognizable we can see the end to the Cabin Fever Plague that has swept the snow laden campus. So, brush your hair, find your book bag, dig out your last pair of clean socks and head to Springs for some greasy hot fries. This storm is not the end dear Blue Hose. It was just a chance to take a breath and realize that you love PC even when you’re stuck in your mildew-y dorm room. Oh, and be careful not to be one of the many freshmen who will try to walk on the sidewalks (HINT: the grass has more traction).
Congratulations, you’ve survived the Snowpocalypse of 2014!